The Portal
The last time I ate a whole bag of Pepperidge Farm Cheddar Goldfish was the day after election day 2016. I was in the living room of my small rented house tucked into the foothills that line the road up to the Santa Fe Ski Basin. Like today, it was snowing. Like today, I was feeling scared, sad and appalled.
I usually process by reading and writing. This time instead of reaching for Goldfish, my hands reach for my keyboard as I surf the web for voices that might somehow console me. But there are none that I can find. So, today, the day after the election, I write. The snow has quieted the world around me, 14 inches of it has frozen the Internet, stopped all traffic, and canceled plans, as if Mother Nature herself knew I needed this time to pull inward. Undoubtedly, you will hear a lot from me in the coming months as I continue to process emerging events. Undoubtedly, what I write today will become irrelevant as I continue to evolve within the rapidly changing environment known as the United States of America. But I hope my words, in some small way, light a pathway forward for you that feels trustworthy and sane.
I consider myself apolitical. But that is not to say that I am neutral. I am far from neutral. I am, in fact, highly opinionated about, and strongly aligned and engaged with issues that are ethical and moral. This leads folks to believe I’m very political because these issues are politicized. Make no mistake––these issues belonged to the human heart long before they were appropriated by political interests. I begrudgingly vote inside a broken system. It frustrates and saddens me that issues of justice, freedom, care of our precious earth, common decency and humanity remain in the chokehold of partisanism. Because nothing, absolutely nothing will resolve there, especially now as bots and algorithms shape the American mind to do their bidding.
What’s happening to America? Indeed, what is happening to humanity? Looking to nature, our ever-wise and present ally and teacher, can give us a clue. Biologists have identified a blueprint for nature’s evolutionary intelligence. It is called the Adaptive Cycle and traces the pattern of growth, evolution and transformation (think of the caterpillar / butterfly scenario). This conceptual model describes the development of systems, such as ecosystems, and social-ecological systems through four phases: Release, Reorganization, Growth, and Conservation. It describes an alchemical process, rather than a linear one, for the change that happens as a result of the Adaptive Cycle is transformative, not transitional [see Diagram 1 below].
We humans are nature (even though we pretend otherwise), as with all of nature, our situations, our lives––collective and individual––follow this pattern. America, too, is inside an Adaptive Cycle. Nothing escapes it. Let’s trace the Adaptive Cycle in a common personal scenario in order to understand it better. Please refer to the above diagram [Diagram 1] as you follow along: John gets a divorce. This sets into motion a series of events: he may lose his home, lose friends, lose constant contact with his kids (the Release, or Letting-go phase), but eventually he finds a new home, a new set of friends, establishes a new routine with the kids (the Reorganization or New Beginnings phase). Life starts to get better because John is no longer in the toxic environment of a bad marriage, perhaps even work gets better and more opportunities arise, he learns more about himself upon reflecting on his marriage and develops new ways of relating to himself and others (the Growth phase), and then finally life starts to feel normal again (the Consolidation or Conservation phase).
What is important to note is the ‘divorce’ part of this story. Biologists call this event a ‘disruptor’ or ‘disruption’, and it too is an essential part of the Adaptive Cycle. It plays a pivotal role as it spurs into action a series of events that allow a species to ‘bounce forward’ and evolve (or expire). The disruption to a caterpillar's life is the moment he disappears into his cocoon. Disruptions are neither positive nor negative. They just are. Disruptors can be any event that significantly changes things. A marriage is a disruption, or a new job. A new baby sister is a disruption. A cancer diagnosis is also a disruption. Yet rarely do we meet disruption with equanimity. A lot of polarized emotion swirls around the disruption point. We either celebrate, or freak out. Either way, they are essential to transformation, and are the catalyst for necessary change. A business does not change its sales strategy until it loses a key customer. Spring cannot erupt without a winter. The very nature of nature is to evolve, and so disruption is key to all major evolutionary moments. This is why at EQUUS we call this part of the Adaptive Cycle the Awakening [see Diagram 2 below].
As the election t-bones many of us like a freight train into a stranded VW Bug on the tracks of optimism, we would be wise to pull back and reflect from a larger, more evolutionary point of view. Regardless of your position on the political spectrum; regardless if you feel demolished or victorious, November 5th, 2024 marks a powerful disruption point for every single person on the planet. And a disruptor impacts the entire system, not just the ones who feel on the right side of history. Hence we are all now poised at the Release phase of the Adaptive Cycle. We will all lose much. We will all let go of many things. And over time, we will reorganize into a new, barely recognizable version of ourselves as a people.
As I write this, and as I process all that has transpired, as public attacks motivated by racism, anti-Semitism, misogyny, and other dangerous biases against various identities swell with hubris on the heels of election day, I am filled with an uncanny, inexplicable and overwhelming sense of love for humanity and compassion for the situation we find ourselves in. What is this strange feeling that seems so incongruent with this moment? What does my body sense in spite of my own biases and narratives? I cannot explain, but I trust my body’s wisdom and follow it as I continue to write now.
I know this is hard, and friends, we are in an Advanced Class now…so buckle up. Nature wants us to evolve. Nature’s imperative is that we transform as a species. And nature is by far much mightier than a President. So though the newly elected may feel victorious, it is Nature who has already won the long game. She will have her way with all of us. And she, the Great Mother of all, does this for our own collective good. I have felt her fierce hand while alone in the savage unyielding high country, and she is not interested in my stories of right and wrong. Her only interest is evolution. She wants us to grow.
If this event was designed to evolve us, not hurt us, then what is wanting to happen for the species, the country, the system, the world? This is the important question, my friends, because the answer to that question surfaces another very important one: How are you to be a part of a New Story that is wanting to emerge?
What I’m trying to say here is that maybe…just maybe––from this broader, more evolutionary point of view this t-bone into the American psyche in the form of a felon, misogynist, self-proclaimed dictator old white man, is the best thing that could happen to a world that needs, and deserves, a reset.
I’m not putting a positive spin on a dark time. I’m not minimizing or normalizing. For the caterpillar, the Awakening is a time that feels like annihilation. We are in for some hell. I fear for my high-spirited daughter and my sensitive son. I fear for my LGTBQ+ friends, and my BIPOC friends and colleagues. I fear for my horses and the beautiful piñon forest around me and the wild places around the world. I’m anxious about the heated arguments I will undoubtedly have with my white male friends and relations who insist they are not part of the Patriarchy, yet still choose to remain comfortably outside the gladiator ring.
A new story is wanting to emerge. And the Left or the Right mindsets within the political economy cannot imagine it any more than a caterpillar can have an idea of or an opinion about what is about to emerge for him. This New Story is completely outside of the current paradigm we are in, because remember, the Adaptive Cycle is not about just incremental change, it is alchemical.
We cannot fight the fight inside the arena as it is currently defined. We have to step out of the political economy altogether and listen quietly and deeply for what is the true, enlightened pathway forward. As Einstein famously said, “We cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them.”
I am reminded of the story I recounted about my lead mare Artemis in my book Flying Lead Change. Some years ago, our new horse Brio arrived at the ranch. Having only been educated by stallions, he fully embodied the old guard of dominance. Like Godzilla, he swaggered his way through the herd threatening everything in his path. Artemis was in a pickle. Her way is not one of violence, manipulation, or dominance. In the face of Brio’s attempted coup, her way was to be like a monk on the front lines of a genocide, quietly connected to a greater whole, in presence, and remain caring for the whole.
Even though she appeared calm, she was not diminished or passive. She was sourcing her power from Elsewhere. It took some time––the better part of a year––but gradually, glacially, with her persistence, she reclaimed her rightful place in this subtle yet potent way. And Brio found his place too. He transformed into a kind ally for all the mares, standing quietly beside them supporting them to do their work.
How did she do that? How did she transform a situation towards something that served everyone? How did she create something better than any of us could have imagined? She stood outside of the right / wrong power-over paradigm, she stayed away from the drama. She partnered with oneness consciousness, which guided her actions, always aligned with wisdom. She remained inwardly still, an anchor into the connection with all of life. Artemis is and always has been a stalwart spiritual teacher for me and many others who have received her strict tutelage.
So what now? What would a caterpillar tell you as his body melted? What would a salamander share as he loses his gills and tail? What would Artemis instill? They would probably express this: we have no idea what is before us. We have no clue what is on the other side of this Awakening event. None of us…not the ones who feel shattered, nor the ones who feel triumphant.
They would probably counsel you, as nature is counseling me now with over a foot of snow, to stop, and be still. Go inward and be quiet. They would encourage you to remain tethered to Presence itself. They would instruct you not to sway into drama, mental acrobatics, and polarized rigid thinking and to be disciplined about the use of social media which will surely drag you there.
They would most likely encourage you to feel. To drop into the swirl of your sensations and bravely be with all of them fully, so that you can be fully present with your here-and-now experience. They would invite you to, in preparation for the big release phase of the Adaptive Cycle, let go of anything you were clinging to, no matter how virtuous.
And finally, they would counsel us to remember that those we consider ‘other’ could one day be our allies. Their allyship will become apparent when crisis strikes a community and people put aside their differences to help each other. We will need one another in the coming years because we will all be at the hands of the Adaptive Cycle.
I believe this time is a portal, a narrowing threshold moment that sharpens events and perspectives, a sacred and powerful doorway into a new world. To pass through this portal, we must shed almost everything; we have to cease our thrashing and be still. And if there is even the faintest sense of love and compassion for all humanity at this time, follow it.
We can be like Artemis––dignified and wise, trusting the larger order of things.
