The last time I ate a whole bag of Pepperidge Farm Cheddar Goldfish was the day after election day 2016.

Are you a good listener? If you ask any person, they will likely tell you they are good listeners. But if you ask the people in their life, you may get another story.

The 21 Wisdoms of EQUUS – the theories, disciplines, frameworks and sub-frameworks that inform our work.

When Amy enrolled in the Assertiveness for Life and Leadership course, she was mad. She was resentful, brittle, and exhausted.

Here at Buffalo Spirit Ranch we are learning how to reclaim, remediate and harvest all the water that comes to us. We live in the high desert, so water is precious. But the monsoon rains present another challenge: the skies open, and assault the land with more than it can handle.

Our wonderful and kind horse Cisco teaches us that the word “no” is a complete sentence. During his previous career as a talented stadium jumper, he had an unfortunate trailer accident that injured his hip. This left him insecure about jumping. When his trainer asked him to jump, Cisco expressed hesitation. When the trainer persisted, Cisco kept trying to convey his concern. In many ways, Cisco was saying, “No!”. But the trainer didn’t listen.

Back in the day, when I was a doormat…that is to say, when I diminished myself by minimizing my needs, silencing my voice, and numbing my feelings…I was not a very nice person. I thought I was being nice because I was caretaking everyone, pleasing others and performing to all kinds of heights. But in truth, because I was not able to take care of my own needs and honor my own ambitions, then I was not able to be truly honoring of others.

I used to think that boundaries were these rigid structures, sort of like a moat around a castle wall, complete with crocodiles and armored soldiers standing guard. As such, I found them hard to implement with people I cared about because, well, I cared about them and why would I erect such battlements between us? So I chose to be a doormat instead.

As a child, I learned to survive my family system by being the good girl. I honed an ability to anticipate needs, and meet them. I could sense people’s moods and emotions, thus navigating my way around the invisible rules of engagement by pleasing, and dodging conflict.

Welcome to our Assertiveness for Life and Leadership Series, a seven part series that highlights the topics of assertiveness, caretaking, boundaries and over-functioning. Here I share a personal anecdote, along with tips and additional resources on the topic.

When I was a young girl learning how to ride, almost consistently I was admonished to ‘not let the horse know I was afraid’. Supposedly my emotion would set the horse alight with terror, or perhaps worse, said horse, upon feeling my fear, would conspire to manipulate or hurt me in some deviant way. As aspiring young cowgirls and -boys, we were taught to hide our feelings, bypass our emotions. Perhaps nowhere is the projection of a disconnected society more obvious than in this conventional ‘wisdom’ of the equestrian world passed down from generation to generation of riders. Let’s be clear before I move on: horses are not afraid of fear, nor are they poising to mess you up through your vulnerabilities. In fact, it is not our fear that worries a horse, but our masking. It’s the incongruence that creates the problem.

His face looked out over the advertisement about him on EquineMarket.com––bright, happy, with a kind of “What’s next?!” enthusiasm that I grew to know. “Lusitano, 7 years old, must have experienced rider…” it read. I responded immediately and requested a phone conversation with the seller, “I must warn you,” she said carefully, “he has a rather…shall we say…distinct Roman nose.” I flew out to California the next day to see him.

My left shoulder sports a tattoo––a rendering of a petroglyph in the shape of a spiral. In school, while listening the droning on of teachers, I drew spirals all over my notebook. When playing at the beach with my two young children, it was playful co-mingling spirals we carved into the sand with long sticks.

Kelly shares profound reflections on a transformative journey to the Grand Canyon – an exploration that becomes symbolic of a larger journey to uncover the authentic core of leadership and personal growth. This essay illuminates the tension between short-term technological gains and the timeless, organic wisdom of human connection. As new viewpoints on coaching and wellness emerge, enticed by the lure of artificial intelligence and top-line efficiency, she urges us to remember the irreplaceable value of human empathy, intuition, and authenticity. Kelly prompts us to ask ourselves: in our race for advancement, are we losing touch with the genuine human heart of leadership development? This philosophical meditation on the nature of life, business, and inner growth is a must-read for anyone reflecting on their own path of leadership or personal development.

The pursuit of moving from 'good' to 'extraordinary' demands a venture into your inner resources and ways of operating in the world. At EQUUS, we see integrity not just in the typical construct of conforming to a moral or ethical code but consider it as wholeness, derived from the Latin adjective integer, embodying unity, authenticity, and alignment. We perceive integrity as the essence of energy within an individual or entity. When in alignment with your values, you experience an increase in life force vitality, resulting in elevated energy levels. This energy is the essence of survival and growth, propelling individuals, teams, and organizations from good to great. We teach integrity from the perspective of energy rather than morality, encouraging individuals to align with values that bring forth positive outcomes. The cultivation of integrity lies in making and keeping agreements. This translates to agreeing impeccably, leading to more trust, accountability, and heightened productivity. Despite the magnitude of the agreements, all broken ones disrupt the flow of life force. Ultimately, to be impeccable with agreements, one needs to make clear and explicit agreements, keep them, renegotiate if needed, and take responsibility for any broken agreements.

Delve into soul-centered strategies for the New Year with an easy-to-implement planning toolkit. Unveil a refreshing approach to New Year's resolutions, embracing the idea of transformation rather than pressure and obligation. Seamlessly integrate reflection, creation, support systems, and the power of communication into your life design. This is not just about planning for the New Year but a thoughtful method to herald any new life phase. Embrace this journey to make your next 12 months a roaring success.

The essay "The Promise" recounts an ancient tale passed down by the Northern Pueblos of New Mexico about the sacred relationship between humans and horses. The story begins when humans and horses lived in harmony, attributing the horses' origin to the sun and the stars, serving as messengers between heaven and earth. However, human actions disrupted this harmony, leading to devastating natural calamities and the temporary departure of all animals, including horses. Thousands of years later, the horses returned, marking the Time of the Great Outwaiting - a symbolic era where humanity was forced to choose between fear/separation or love/connection.

The water was everywhere. The dogs waded in ahead of me, my mother stood by with a single, irrelevant mop. It was pooling around the legs of my dining table, soaking my large Moroccan wool rug, permeating the wood cabinetry, and seeping up the walls of my living room. A pipe had burst and the water, liberated at last from its copper casing, was migrating to every corner.

The essay titled "What is Love? Two Simple Binaries That Help Us Love Better" explores the fundamental gap in our understanding of how love works. Kelly Wendorf shares how love is not just a warm felt sense of emotion, but it requires that we act in a way that feels like love to the other person. Two mindsets are discussed in the essay: knower/learner and victim/player. The knower mindset believes you know all you need to know to address a situation, whereas the learner mindset is willing to admit ignorance and be influenced. The victim mindset focuses on things you can't influence, whereas the player mindset takes responsibility for your contributions to a situation and asks, "what can I do?" In relationships, taking a player and learner mindset is crucial. The essay concludes by challenging readers to reflect on the impact of how they express their love and to tell others how they can better show up for them. Overall, the essay offers practical tips and mindsets to improve how we love and connect with others.

The essay titled "Decolonizing Our Bodies to Liberate Intelligence" by Kelly Wendorf explores the concept of decolonizing the way we perceive and relate to our bodies. Wendorf highlights how historically, our bodies have been viewed as separate from the mind and spirit, leading to the disconnection between our physical selves and the intelligence they possess. By reclaiming and reinhabiting our bodies, we can access a wealth of wisdom and intuition that can positively impact our relationships, leadership abilities, emotional well-being, and sense of belonging. The essay emphasizes the importance of recognizing and healing the individual and collective experiences of separation from our bodies caused by trauma, societal messages, and cultural influences. The essay suggests practices such as paying attention to our body's signals and practicing present-moment awareness as ways to reestablish a deeper connection between mind, body, and spirit. Emphasizing that embodiment is a continuous journey, the essay encourages individuals to explore their own path to remembering and reclaiming their bodies, thereby empowering themselves and inviting others to do the same.